Addressing Who We Are

 Vulnerability... What is vulnerability?  This is a topic we have been addressing at Love Thy Neighborhood.  Whew! Yeah, did your heart stop? Mine did! This topic isn't foreign to me but as  we talked about it I realized yeah I have some work to do. All of us do if were really going to drink from the cup of honesty; however it can be a challenge!  This is one thing that has been hitting me.  Especially when  our directors wife read the book, " The Heart and The Bottle" by Oliver Jeffers.
Yes, its a child's book but I could relate and I am sure if you did you would as well.   I come from the emotional side of sharing which sounds crazy because so often my face shows a lot. However, to verbally tell you how I am feeling is hard at times. At the same time depending who you might be. As much as I hate to own I am very good about being passive at times saying, " I am okay but truly not okay." Yet, its tricky because sometimes I do feel okay but I can't put my finger on the emotion if it is real.

I know all emotions are real. Yet, from someone who analyzes I take deep thoughts into if I really am that emotion. The hard part I have been learning is that it can hurt people. Sure there is no intentions to hurt any one yet its hard to control at times. Or for me any ways. My heart tends to shoot out of my face before the words flow.  That one I am trying to think through. I know emotions are not bad. Yet, the balance of how we handle can be so hard at times.

For me its hard to say, " I am angry." or " This bothered me." There are two images I would like to share with you from the book.

 I can relate to this little girl because I can remember being so curious light hearted with out a care in the world but when I became older realizing the world can be a hard place too I learned how to put my heart in the bottle.  You would think that I would have this one down but it still in the works.  This one especially when I enter new relationships. I often hide because I am afraid what I say will hurt someone.  I hide because I imagine how it may go wrong. Can you relate? So yeah emotions are hard. Not only that if I could pass a special note to others who may come from a different perspective * Please have grace on me and others as well who do struggle with this one. This may sound very blunt but often when  I maybe have had moments where my heart finally caught up to my brain I want to tell others, " Its not like I have a remote control on my heart that says I would like this emotion today."  It just doesn't work that way! Or if I am wrong I am willing to hear.

 I don't know why but for me at least for someone who struggles with dwelling its hard to say I feel blah blah at this time because as mentioned I often feel my brain & heart our on this race. My heart tends to think more for me then my brain. Yet for those who are logical I crave to be that way at times. So yes I too am learning to give myself grace! The second image reminds me of moments I have had this with my Celebrate Recovery Family.

You can interpret as you would like but this person in the picture represents many people for me in my CR family as well church. My CR family was one of the many first to help me realize I am not alone. I can share who I am.  And there have been other people who have shown me this one too like my mentor Magan!  So, as I thought about what I wanted to write next I thought yes this is my next piece!  I don't always see myself as a profound speaker but writing has tend to be a way I could express myself. I hope as you read this that what you take away is your not alone.

At the same note there are two things or perhaps three things I would love to share.

*" Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, and sometimes afraid but that doesn't change the truth I am also brave , worthy of love and belonging"- Brene Brown

*  Try writing this verse with your name in the blank. It may encourage you as it did me:

Ephesians 1:4-5

Before  the creation of the world  He chose __________ to be Holy and perfect in His presence. Because of His love already decided to adopt __________ through Jesus Christ. He freely chose to do this

I leave you with this verse because so often I hate dealing with my imperfections. In fact I am the great one at cranking out the list of  who I am not and if I had done or I should..... So for me owning my struggles is hard! I need the reminder that who I am in Christ is accepted! He loves me for me! The same message He gives to others about not having it all together goes to me too. Yeah... so this is me and where I am!

 For those who would like to hear the story I leave you with the link as well:

 Thank you for letting me share and thanks to the ones who push me to my best!

We Must Say No To The Things We Want

 The other day I was just having a chat with the Lord. I was thinking of all the missionaries who have went before me in how brave they were. I began to think if even I would up root myself from my home. I have left for a year and I'm gone for a year this year but reality check I think my heart would struggle if the Lord ever told me to leave Corbin building a new home. I'm just like many of you! I love the comfort of my home, friends and familiarities. This one really hit me on that head because I can remember saying in high school Lord, I believe your calling me into missions.

Yet, I don't think my heart could count the cost. Oh I believe I would come to a point of saying yes if the Lord ever so choose to take me long term but it would be hard.

Luke 9:23 tells us:
He said to all of them, “Those who want to come with me must say no to the things they want, pick up their crosses every day, and follow me.

 This verse I just shared with you really hit me in a fresh way especially the part that says, " must say no to the things they want."  That's hard my friends to say I will give up Lord whatever you call me too. I think so often I dream of the grand adventure but not picking up my cross to truly follow. I say I will but doing is another thing! This has really been making me think because I  can count the times thinking ,"Wow! Look at what so & so is experiencing."

Yet, if they hadn't left home they wouldn't experience! On another note  sometimes its not the relocation God calls but that He is calling us to give up something else so we can experience who He is or what call He may have on our lives. It may be something like: adopt a child, teach a Bible study, serve as a greeter at the church,  leave your job and so the list goes on. I know this is one verse but I want to boldly ask us as a whole, " Are we really to give up what we want to follow Jesus?" Some crazy thoughts to ponder but so much truth when it comes to the human heart!  Yet, how will we move forward as we think about Luke 9:23?

Passion & Calling

  Are passionate and calling the same or do they have different meanings? This is thought that provoked me as I thought about perhaps they are different. I  collected some other perspectives as well decided to define both words.

Passionate- Strong emotions ( Latin word Pati) means to suffer

Calling- A strong urge toward a particular way of life, career/vocation

At first I thought they were different but they in one way go hand in hand. Yet another part wonders, What if God calls you to something your not passionate about? That's what stumps me. If you have any insight I would be all ears!

Yet, I kept thinking of the verse James 1:27

 Pure, unstained religion according to God our Father is to take care of orphans, widows when they suffer and to remain uncorrupted  by this world

I understand we all have different gifts as well callings; however I think I thought of it as the Christian declaration. That we are called to needs of the world. Are we asking how God wants us to be active? For example I wouldn't consider myself to be called to work with  the elderly, teens or etc. Yet, for me how can I ignore the need if the Lord presents.

I think I have been thinking on this one a lot because I wouldn't of considered myself passionate about teaching but it was the call God gave me for  a year with a preschool in my hometown. I think for me I was passionate for the need because this was the call God put before for a season. At this point reflecting on my journey I feel I am at this point with palms up asking the Lord, "Where is it that you have called me?"

 I am really enjoying my internship at Scarlet Hope! I have many questions.  I admire the director & her story how she just showed up never having any training that I am aware of. I too wonder can I have this same obedience?  All in all I really thing there will be things we love. We may not feel we are called to go but in same way I believe as Christians were to be active in some capacity even if its just prayer. The needs are all around us. We can easily say I don't feel called but if scripture tells us to go to the orphans widows and etc; How can we not go or stop? Any thoughts are welcome :)   These words definitely have me thinking and I hope maybe this piece may challenge others as well! Thanks for letting me share!