Oh But Wait

 A wise friend once told me to write my plans in pencil so that I could erase them. Boy was my friend ever so right!  The pages in my book look nothing like I would of planned. When it was towards the end of summer I thought the Lord may keep longer in New York but gradually He showed me this was not His will. This has been puzzling for me because I have been sitting here with an open heart since high school knowing my desire for missions.
I have been home for  7 months at least and the transitions have shown many many emotions. I have dreamed so much but am really learning that I need to loosen the grip on my pencil.  Especially when it feels so unclear waiting tables. Please don't take me for  belittling but if I were very honest I'm only there because that is where God put me.
He is teaching me to trust Him in the small things.  He is teaching me that though it seems so unclear to keep my head up in the fog. Do not let the pressure of next steps hold you down or the expectations of others.
Gulp! Easier said than done! I don't know your circumstances but perhaps your like me thinking where are we going. I want to see I want to see just like the child in the crowd who begs their father or mother to put them on their shoulders. It is hard trust me because I have asked questions trust me like:

Do you want me to go back to school?

Did I choose the right major?

Is Seminary a path?

And I know its not like star dust will just sweep across your eyes but  its very hard when your having to wait. You would even like to explain the emotions to other people but you can't. You know God is near but sometimes you grow tired of the wait. So in moments like that sometimes you need to just say Jesus I am tired!