Addressing Who We Are

 Vulnerability... What is vulnerability?  This is a topic we have been addressing at Love Thy Neighborhood.  Whew! Yeah, did your heart stop? Mine did! This topic isn't foreign to me but as  we talked about it I realized yeah I have some work to do. All of us do if were really going to drink from the cup of honesty; however it can be a challenge!  This is one thing that has been hitting me.  Especially when  our directors wife read the book, " The Heart and The Bottle" by Oliver Jeffers.
Yes, its a child's book but I could relate and I am sure if you did you would as well.   I come from the emotional side of sharing which sounds crazy because so often my face shows a lot. However, to verbally tell you how I am feeling is hard at times. At the same time depending who you might be. As much as I hate to own I am very good about being passive at times saying, " I am okay but truly not okay." Yet, its tricky because sometimes I do feel okay but I can't put my finger on the emotion if it is real.

I know all emotions are real. Yet, from someone who analyzes I take deep thoughts into if I really am that emotion. The hard part I have been learning is that it can hurt people. Sure there is no intentions to hurt any one yet its hard to control at times. Or for me any ways. My heart tends to shoot out of my face before the words flow.  That one I am trying to think through. I know emotions are not bad. Yet, the balance of how we handle can be so hard at times.

For me its hard to say, " I am angry." or " This bothered me." There are two images I would like to share with you from the book.

 I can relate to this little girl because I can remember being so curious light hearted with out a care in the world but when I became older realizing the world can be a hard place too I learned how to put my heart in the bottle.  You would think that I would have this one down but it still in the works.  This one especially when I enter new relationships. I often hide because I am afraid what I say will hurt someone.  I hide because I imagine how it may go wrong. Can you relate? So yeah emotions are hard. Not only that if I could pass a special note to others who may come from a different perspective * Please have grace on me and others as well who do struggle with this one. This may sound very blunt but often when  I maybe have had moments where my heart finally caught up to my brain I want to tell others, " Its not like I have a remote control on my heart that says I would like this emotion today."  It just doesn't work that way! Or if I am wrong I am willing to hear.

 I don't know why but for me at least for someone who struggles with dwelling its hard to say I feel blah blah at this time because as mentioned I often feel my brain & heart our on this race. My heart tends to think more for me then my brain. Yet for those who are logical I crave to be that way at times. So yes I too am learning to give myself grace! The second image reminds me of moments I have had this with my Celebrate Recovery Family.

You can interpret as you would like but this person in the picture represents many people for me in my CR family as well church. My CR family was one of the many first to help me realize I am not alone. I can share who I am.  And there have been other people who have shown me this one too like my mentor Magan!  So, as I thought about what I wanted to write next I thought yes this is my next piece!  I don't always see myself as a profound speaker but writing has tend to be a way I could express myself. I hope as you read this that what you take away is your not alone.

At the same note there are two things or perhaps three things I would love to share.

*" Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, and sometimes afraid but that doesn't change the truth I am also brave , worthy of love and belonging"- Brene Brown

*  Try writing this verse with your name in the blank. It may encourage you as it did me:

Ephesians 1:4-5

Before  the creation of the world  He chose __________ to be Holy and perfect in His presence. Because of His love already decided to adopt __________ through Jesus Christ. He freely chose to do this

I leave you with this verse because so often I hate dealing with my imperfections. In fact I am the great one at cranking out the list of  who I am not and if I had done or I should..... So for me owning my struggles is hard! I need the reminder that who I am in Christ is accepted! He loves me for me! The same message He gives to others about not having it all together goes to me too. Yeah... so this is me and where I am!

 For those who would like to hear the story I leave you with the link as well:

 Thank you for letting me share and thanks to the ones who push me to my best!

We Must Say No To The Things We Want

 The other day I was just having a chat with the Lord. I was thinking of all the missionaries who have went before me in how brave they were. I began to think if even I would up root myself from my home. I have left for a year and I'm gone for a year this year but reality check I think my heart would struggle if the Lord ever told me to leave Corbin building a new home. I'm just like many of you! I love the comfort of my home, friends and familiarities. This one really hit me on that head because I can remember saying in high school Lord, I believe your calling me into missions.

Yet, I don't think my heart could count the cost. Oh I believe I would come to a point of saying yes if the Lord ever so choose to take me long term but it would be hard.

Luke 9:23 tells us:
He said to all of them, “Those who want to come with me must say no to the things they want, pick up their crosses every day, and follow me.

 This verse I just shared with you really hit me in a fresh way especially the part that says, " must say no to the things they want."  That's hard my friends to say I will give up Lord whatever you call me too. I think so often I dream of the grand adventure but not picking up my cross to truly follow. I say I will but doing is another thing! This has really been making me think because I  can count the times thinking ,"Wow! Look at what so & so is experiencing."

Yet, if they hadn't left home they wouldn't experience! On another note  sometimes its not the relocation God calls but that He is calling us to give up something else so we can experience who He is or what call He may have on our lives. It may be something like: adopt a child, teach a Bible study, serve as a greeter at the church,  leave your job and so the list goes on. I know this is one verse but I want to boldly ask us as a whole, " Are we really to give up what we want to follow Jesus?" Some crazy thoughts to ponder but so much truth when it comes to the human heart!  Yet, how will we move forward as we think about Luke 9:23?

Passion & Calling

  Are passionate and calling the same or do they have different meanings? This is thought that provoked me as I thought about perhaps they are different. I  collected some other perspectives as well decided to define both words.

Passionate- Strong emotions ( Latin word Pati) means to suffer

Calling- A strong urge toward a particular way of life, career/vocation

At first I thought they were different but they in one way go hand in hand. Yet another part wonders, What if God calls you to something your not passionate about? That's what stumps me. If you have any insight I would be all ears!

Yet, I kept thinking of the verse James 1:27

 Pure, unstained religion according to God our Father is to take care of orphans, widows when they suffer and to remain uncorrupted  by this world

I understand we all have different gifts as well callings; however I think I thought of it as the Christian declaration. That we are called to needs of the world. Are we asking how God wants us to be active? For example I wouldn't consider myself to be called to work with  the elderly, teens or etc. Yet, for me how can I ignore the need if the Lord presents.

I think I have been thinking on this one a lot because I wouldn't of considered myself passionate about teaching but it was the call God gave me for  a year with a preschool in my hometown. I think for me I was passionate for the need because this was the call God put before for a season. At this point reflecting on my journey I feel I am at this point with palms up asking the Lord, "Where is it that you have called me?"

 I am really enjoying my internship at Scarlet Hope! I have many questions.  I admire the director & her story how she just showed up never having any training that I am aware of. I too wonder can I have this same obedience?  All in all I really thing there will be things we love. We may not feel we are called to go but in same way I believe as Christians were to be active in some capacity even if its just prayer. The needs are all around us. We can easily say I don't feel called but if scripture tells us to go to the orphans widows and etc; How can we not go or stop? Any thoughts are welcome :)   These words definitely have me thinking and I hope maybe this piece may challenge others as well! Thanks for letting me share!

The Desire of Dignity

 How do you define poverty? This is the question we have been asked over the last couple of weeks with Love Thy Neighborhood.  For me  the first thought or picture I  would have is low income people, lack of education, health or even finances. Yet, what if we looked at it differently?

 I would like to share this definition with  you that was shared me  today. 

Poverty is  the result of relationships that do not work, that are not just, that are not for life nor harmonious or enjoyable. Poverty is the absence of shalom in all its meanings.

 What a profound way to look at poverty? What words you see missing? I really want us to think about it as a whole because to honest I never considered myself poor but in reality we have all been poor in some aspect. Especially when you think about our relationship with God. At one point if were truly going to accept God we must accept we are spiritually poor.

Matthew 5:3

Blessed are those who recognize they are spiritually helpless.
    The kingdom of heaven belongs to them.

 I've heard this verse many times but reading it now I understand it better because  the richest gift mankind could have is a relationship with God. This concept is important to accept if were not doing work on our souls we have very little to offer. It becomes difficult to help others unless acknowledge our need. There has to be a connection point some how because our help means nothing if we don't meet people where they are.

 

No matter the level were on we all want to have dignity.  As Christ followers our help must go beyond identification.  People don't need just a quick fix. We're called to go into the trenches! There is nothing wrong to help materially but take account the aftermath. For example: Don't just give someone groceries.  Do an inventory of life with them.  Teach them the things you know but most of all meet them where they are too!

 Remember they are people too!  Don't treat them as projects!  Be willing to live with them. Treat them like you want to be treated!   Show people your serious!  That's something I want to end with above all! I don't know how many of you have seen the Second Chance movie but I do think it helps paint some of the picture. Here is a small clip!

 I would encourage you to watch this movie because it reminds us don't just show up! Get to know the people! May this empower us to take heart of our surroundings.

God Is

 God Is

At age 5,
 He is curiosity
 At age 6,
He is my friend and I own I need Him
At age 13-18,
He is my peace giver & healer
At age 20,
He is my Father
At age 22 to 25,
He is the one who holds pen
At age 26-27,
He is who I am with palms up. He is the driver in the seat. He is the hand that walks me into the unknown. He is the ultimate listener. He is the one I dance with. I could call Him many things but today I call Him dreamer with great expectations of is next. He is my Abba and I love Him!

God's The Perfect Listener

Listening  is hard but it's a lost art that doesn't  happen as often as it should. It's easy to give more advice thinking people want a solution  but really they just need a voice. It can be testing when perhaps that is all we have heard but perhaps it's a reminder be more of a listener. Sure the person may not need to dwell on the topic but we can encourage  one another in listening  even if it seems  like the same story.  Think about  what matters  to you and how much you want to be heard? Don't assume they expect  change or advice like I said. Perhaps they just needed to be heard.
Same time humans need to take note humans will fail one another but God has the perfect ears. Don't forget the one who knows you most Psalm 139.

Act Now & Not Latter

 My life is very whimsical or so it feels! Perhaps that isn't the right term but if you ask someone who is a planner like me that's the term I would use!  Sometimes I really honestly just feel like a nomad. Every time I feel I have found my groove God puts a new twist on it! I wouldn't of dreamed I would be here with Love Thy Neighborhood but God did! I thought I would of been at my job longer as a preschool teacher but my season was up. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do next. I simply saw Love Thy Neighborhood and knew I wanted to be apart of restoring identities as well the innocence of those hurting.

I was particularly drawn to Scarlet Hope. I remember talking about prostitution as well sex trafficking when I attended Passion and I knew I wanted to do something about. Maybe it's for a season. I don't know but now I am here! I have really enjoyed partnering with this organization because they really value others! I want to love on these women! I want them to know the same Jesus I do! That  His grace is greater then our past! We're on the same playing field no matter where we have been! We all need this Jesus!

Unfortunately we live in a world that has tainted what love really means. Love is much more then emotions. It's who God is! God values us!

Benner says, "  Creation not only declares  the inventiveness and the resourcefulness of God but reveals the abundance of His love.  Creation declares that humans are born of love and for love, created in the image of God who is love. Love is our source and love is to be fulfillment."

 That's is what I pray to share with the ones I cross at Scarlet Hope but as well  others in my path in Louisville.  I also wanted to share a few articles that I think are must reads because in order to pray for those who  are in the struggle we need to understand how real the struggle is:

https://scarlethope.org/we-are-family/
http://fightthenewdrug.org/gq-magazine-10-reasons-why-you-should-quit-watching-porn/


 Both articles I recommend because I think it will help you understand for who your praying for but I also think we need a reality that porn kills.  This isn't the only avenue we have but this needs to be awareness we have the ability to be the light. Therefore as your continue to pray for me with my time here please know what an impact we as Christians can have!

Longing

 Longing ...  If we were to sit and pause for  a moment we all have a longing but one we all have in common is to be known and truly loved. Yesterday my team & I listed some words that were special to us. This word of course wasn't mine but it stuck with me. I decided to look up the word for its true definition. Longing means a yearning and desire. After thinking about that word I wrote down the things I longed for as an individual. Here are just a few:

* To go long term into ministry
*  To possibly attend seminary
* To be a wife
* To  have kids
* To feel important and be loved

What would be on your list? (Go)  The truth is we all have our ambitions and dreams!  Yet, what if we took it a step further  to long for the One who longs for us in a relationship?  What practical ways can that be applied? For me I am not an early riser but I do admire one of my roommates that is. I want to get there! As I reflect for myself I have decided to challenge myself to get up early!  That's so not me because believe me I like my sleep!

 Any one up for the challenge with me? For you it may look different but on the same token I wonder how to apply this?  The passage I read this morning was Psalm 63. I encourage you to read and as you read pick a word that paints the picture of longing. For me the words rich food really stand out in verse 5:
 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips

I love the words rich food because when we long for Jesus our hearts & soul will be satisfied.  That's a beautiful picture my friends! May this encourage you!

If We Grasp Love Will Grasp Community

 Isaiah 64:8

But now, LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are our potter. We are the work of your hands.

 This week God allowed me bake some cookies to show some ladies love. This moment for me was precious because it gave me lots of time to reflect. As I was molding the cookie it was a reminder to me how God holds me in His hand loving shaping me to becoming the me I am destined to be. The fact that He loves me for me really boggles me but I think no matter what part of our walk we are in we can't fathom how real God's love is for us!

Our life is a process just like there is a process to making the cookies. There are key ingredients that we need. We first have to be accepting and willing to soak in the love God has giving us just as the  dry ingredients soak in the egg, oil and butter. Once we are open we become one with God we build community. The same picture is with the body we blend together becoming one.

It's also important to know we are all different that each part has its purpose. I think that's another picture as well because when making cookies you eventually have to separate the dough. Even though they are separate on the sheet they are the same just placed in different positions of the pan. Yet  they are next to each other. That is the way the body should be! Eventually the cookies have to be baked and it gets hot. Yet, what a great picture that no matter what we may face we are never alone we go together.

We must keep this all in mind that were all being molded.  For if we grasp love will grasp community.

Your More Then A Plain Jane

 Romans 8:15

You haven’t received the spirit of slaves that leads you into fear again. Instead, you have received the spirit of God’s adopted children by which we call out, “Abba![a] Father

 God hasn't made us to feel like Plain Jane's but how often it easy to take our mind to feel this way. Can you relate?  No matter how long we have known Jesus the struggle can still feel real! This has been a thought on my mind since this morning at church as I reflected God bringing me into these team of twelve people  to be apart of Love Thy Neighborhood. I have to confess I have had to fight the battle because I have felt like the ," Oh she's just the Corbin girl" because a lot of my team members are from different parts of the states. 

Yet that isn't how God see it that way! So how selfish of me to feel this way because who & where I am from is to be proud of! I am very proud of where I am from please don't  get me wrong !  It's just been hard to not feel what I have felt or even the fact that I am the oldest on the team. I have had to tell myself  you are exactly where God placed for such a season because it is so easy to get caught in comparisons.

 We are not called to be slaves to fear. We're to live in the truth we are His children! That's been such a key part for me in my walk so it's why I share this one with you! God has reminded me I am to live like I am invited at the table because who I am is perfect! What about you do you need to lay in the Fathers hands?

Check out this video below! I believe no matter the age just like children we need to know who we are! I love this video because we all need affirmations of who we are!

The Eternal Inhaler

 God is the eternal inhaler. We can't breath without Him and when we loose our breath from our anxiety and fears  He reaches out to us! This is a thought that has came to my mind especially one who could probably get a blue ribbon for worrying!

 Yet, my Jesus is so patient with me!  I make no jokes about anxiety. I have never struggled to where its been super strong but I can tell you it can eat your mind alive. It's one of the reasons I went to Celebrate Recovery. In Celebrate Recovery I found a forever family. I learned that God really desires us to have community to share the good along with the crazy! Going to Celebrate Recovery was peace to my mind that I am completely normal because we all have junk.

It was hope that there were people who understood what the church needed to be! I think of my friend Ciara, Durenda, Libby & Nona. These women enveloped me! It was a safety net for me. I know I am never unsafe that I am safe with Jesus but I believe He does give us a tangible way of knowing if that makes sense.

 I  count CR as one of my saviors because it only empowered me more in what God had been sowing in me as a college student where my campus minister Dean & Magan were examples in leadership that we can be freely honest with God. It's not that we don't want to share but our shame blocks us. We imagine what others will do if they know ______________.  You can name it I am sure! For me I think of how awkward dynamically I am in some of my relationships.

Yet here in CR I was reminded to be the best me. We can't control others but we can choose how we will respond. I am now a fan  of CR because of how it changed me!  I have even been able to love on some of our children Celebration Place and even though I am going to Louisville for a year CR is a forever part of me! Therefore if one is near you I challenge you to take the guts to go!  

Love Thy Neighborhood Bound September 6th

 Colossians 4:2-3 Keep praying. Pay attention when you offer prayers of thanksgiving. At the same time also pray for us. Pray for God to give us opportunity to speak the word so that we may tell this mystery about Christ. It is because of this mystery I am a prisoner

 " Pray for God to give us opportunity"----- Let me say this phrase again----- " Pray for God to give us opportunity."

 Reading this phrase this morning made me think how many times do I pray God give me opportunities to share the Gospel. This shouldn't just be a  prayer when we go on a mission trip or a project at the church. Its an everyday living prayer. Yet this verse seems so fitting as I think about leaving in a few short weeks to serve with Love Thy Neighborhood.  We can't just go out our doors absent minded of our mission.

It's what I hope for as I intern with  them reaching out to women who have been in the adult industry at Scarlet Hope. I don't want to pretend that battle field is easy or anything on my terms. I need my Jesus to guide me to love just as He has from the beginning that I said yes to Him. Even though I know the opportunities will be there I want to ask Jesus to meet me there.

There is nothing short of it that He will but asking Him is allowing our hearts to invite Him along with partaking of His partnership. I think the fact this program is called Love Thy Neighborhood is so fitting because Neighborhood means community. Community means feeling fellowship with one another. Therefore if a Neighborhood is to live to it's true definition that means   we must share each others needs.

That's why 18-30 year olds like me have agreed to take on this mission with Love Thy Neighborhood. This is why I and many others will go to places like Scarlet Hope because we want to see value restored. It's why we reach out to be a hug truly listening because it's a desire to let others know what love really looks like.

 We have the opportunity to create safe environments for these women. Especially for the 85% who were abused as little girls. Just as  Hoseas was an illustration of God's love to Gomar it is  time to chase after these individuals and many other to let them know of Jesus who longing  loves them.


 Hosea 3:2-3
So I brought her for 23 ounces of silver and 10 bushels of barley. Then I told her, " You must wait for  me a long time. Don't be a prostitute to offer yourself to any man. I will wait for you"

 This man Hosea saw so much value He was willing to buy her that she may not be a slave any more. It's one of my favorite stories and I think this speaks volumes. It's image of sacrifice which is what Jesus does for us everyday.

I hope you will join me in this prayer and you'll take some time to check out:

https://scarlethope.org/ and  https://lovethyneighborhood.kindful.com/1617-year-team/-april-smith

 Lets pray for our opportunities today even where we are!