Grace In Kindness

Two cups of coffee  no shame. Bursting out to some Rend Collective as I reflect on the words ,"Grace in kindness".  Wow! what powerful  words to chew especially  on Thanksgiving!  It is so easy to get caught up in the details of what is and what's not but if you stop were pretty blessed because He gives so much. Check out Ephesians  2:7 and then read Psalm 103. This one was important  to think about because  I started looking at my goals and my student loan. I was quick to check into the impossible  and forget the possible. Then I had to  pause  to remember  who always cares for me. Who loves me most? God! He is my defender! He has put a roof over my head even though  I don't  have my own apartment  yet. He has give me a job as a teacher which I would not of imagined. He has give me my beautiful  church Immanuel!  He has given me clean water, clothes and a heart beat! Praise to God! Thank Him for the simple today!

Delight

The Lord never over looks the desires of our hearts. As I reflect on my list I can see where the Lord has honored one of them. One of my dreams is to be a mother one day. Although I have no biological children I have many.  They are my precious children that I teach everyday at my preschool.  Each of them teach me something every day.

I count that a joy.  Yes, I am their teacher but  the task is much more then teaching them. It's an element of love. This love sometimes means:

* Rocking a child to sleep when sometimes you just want to rest

*  Offering them your last chicken nugget even though you may have wanted it

* Crying with them because you know that their feelings are so real

* Wiping their noses

* Laughing with them

* Allowing them to be the great story teller

 These needs are so basic but  these little things are so  important. I gladly do them because this is what I would want even for my own child. I'm thankful God would entrust me with the task.  I count it a great joy!  Therefore I ask you, How has God honored your desires?

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart

Space of Freedom

 I am only 26 years old but if I gained any wisdom from the past couple of years it is much better to wish less because you will miss out on today's blessings!  There is nothing wrong remembering but we are also called to live present! This has been on my brain a lot because I know I will miss going on a trip this summer; however I have actually received a sweeter blessing of  being home! This summer is the first summer in a while that I have stayed home!

I am actually ok with that! Don't get me wrong if someone offered me a ticket today to go to NYC or maybe another state I would be on it but home is just as good! Though the past few months of adjustment have been hard there have been countless blessings! I am very excited for the things happening in my home church this summer such as VBS, teaching sweet kindergartners on Wed,summer nights with friends  and the new door God opened up for me at 17th Christian Street! I know that being present has really seem to be the focus of my blog in a lot of ways but its very true that when we wish we miss out on today's gifts!

For the first time being home I am at more peace then what I was when I wrestled why I was home. I am at more peace in taking one step at a time even though there are many things I anticipate or  hope to accomplish. I am in a space of freedom!

This space of freedom is lovely because when I stop I see how good God has really been to me!  Also for the first time time something my Pastor told me while I was in New York is starting to make perfect sense.

" One day at a time  obedience is how to arrive at your God ordained destination"

I can see how that one really plays out because  just walking through the door of the Dixie waiting for Him to lead me on has been so evident! This statement really does set your heart free when you think about it because if your any thing like me you become the planner. You start mapping out how you will get from point A to B but really  it's nothing like you planned!  Trust me I still have to pause my heart and note to myself just let God lead and if it is meant to be it will.

With all this in mind it even puts me at peace about my application online for Southern Seminary where I would love take online classes studying children's ministry. Normally I would be frantic about getting  papers in or how will I afford but I am ok with whatever happens because I know God knows what He is doing.

The same with my car situation! I know I anticipate a car but you know  its going to be ok because God is in charge. These things don't  erase my emotions; yet knowing all this allows me to walk with the Prince of Peace being able to breath! I am constantly learning to loosen the grip of my pencil and let God  write my story instead of trying to be the narrator. It's still a work but He is patient! For that I am glad and I challenge you the be walk in this space of freedom!

Beginning To See Answers

 To wait upon the Lord  can be one of the sweetest gifts!   For about five months or less I had been working at the Dixie Café which ended up being a blessing. My idea of course was not to be a waitress but the Lord knew what He was doing. Over the last couple of months I began praying God what is your vision for me and where do you desire to take me. Little did I know He would be preparing me for the preschool at 17th Christian Street!

There is no doubt God's finger prints have been on it all the way because I remember picking up one of their brochures at the Dixie thinking about calling to see if they had any openings because I knew I loved to work with children. Latter down the road which was only last week  I was let go from my job but my boss the Garr's mentioned this place to me. They also encouraged me telling me how good I was with children.

So, I began to pray and I decided to pick up the phone after my walk I had took that week where I saw their sign as well. Before I knew it that very week I was let go I had an interview and now I am in training as a teachers aid. Who would of thought that?

Only the Lord! I am actually very excited because to me this is a reminder God is watching me because I could remember some of the frustrations when I came home beginning to look for a job. So,  for me it's also a reminder that being faithful to the small things is worth it!  Being home has ended up being a blessing!

I couldn't understand why my time was up in New York but there have been things along the way that have affirmed me why I am home. Things like like teaching Kindergarten on Wednesdays,preparing for VBS,my job and many other things I could list! You know I look around and I realized I  am very blessed! I may not be going on another mission trip outside my home this summer but I am on mission in my hometown Corbin, Kentucky.

I see God also confirming what was on my heart my freshmen year at UC which I pushed away thinking I wouldn't go into education but now I'm in training and I will soon get to be in the classroom with sweet young faces!

I really could go on! But it really is true when God tells us in Psalm 37:4 to " Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you His desires" This doesn't mean I will get my way but when I am in Him my heart will be delighted! There are still other things I am praying over like a car along with children's ministry which is another part of my heart I haven't shared much.

I am also learning to just dive deep with my church family who have surrounded me with great support! I don't share this to boast! I share because we all  need reminders of who God says He is!

It's Ok To Ask

 As  a child growing up I remembering giving my heart to Jesus! It was so easy to trust Him with innocence but  as I became older the challenge of trust became harder. I don't doubt He loves me but there are some things I simply don't understand. Can you relate? I think many of us are afraid to say those words. I think we forget there is freedom and that nothing really shocks Him.

That is why there are  two articles I want to recommend for those us who need a little reminder its ok to not understand:

• It's Ok To Talk About The Parts Of Jesus We Don't Understand  Click Here
• How To Trust Jesus In A Unsafe World  Click Here

 I feel both of these articles hits home to what many of us are afraid to admit. For me the things I don't understand right now are:

•  Why Jesus placed me as a waitress?
•  Why people I love are going   through the circumstances with their health or situations that they are?
•  Why are the directions so unclear for what is next?
• Why a friend of mine has CML? Will there be healing? Will their family get  a break?
• Why does having a car seem so long?
• Why don't I feel 26? When will I feel like an adult?

I'm sure my list could go on but I'm sure we all have a list. In this world I think we forget how to have child like faith because this world is a tough place to live in. I'm not saying everything is bad because there is good! It's just sometimes you can begin to wonder why God allows certain events or bad things to happen.

I still believe it is for His glory but it doesn't erase the pain or emotions. I know my circumstances are minor but it doesn't mean I don't grow tired. Even the strong Christians have moments where they feel it takes extra strength to keep their eyes on the prize or extra strength to choose joy knowing God  has a good plan! I'm not trying to sound like the gripe queen but like I told a friend on the phone I just can't fake how I feel.

I know deep down inside Jesus can handle that! Some might say how can feel such things but  like I said the world is hard at times. No, I don' have all my answers to what God is doing but I press on. . Perhaps your like me and you just need to question. It doesn't make your faith any less. I think God allows us to question so that we can remember to keep looking forward.

I think He longs to have these talks with us even if its just the two of you on a walk expressing every emotion. At least that was my reminder today. He is definitely there when no one is and He will gladly walk with you and listen to your heart even if its just letting you walk it out.  It's ok for things to not feel pretty!  Here is a song I leave this song for us all because I think we need that reminder God still is in the mist!

Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7

Out of My Weakness

Out of my weakness  you have  a plan. It really  isn't  my plan but like Jeremiah you promise to  not let anything  prevail  against  Him. In no way would I had any plans to be a waitress  but you did! Jermiahs  weakness was speaking. My weakness is:anxiety, the impatient  detective  and perfectionism. I see the mountain but you see more.
You had more than intellectual knowledge of Jeremiah. You had a personal  relationship  with him. It is the same with me! The plans you have for me were decided  beforehand and though  I do not see you tell me there is a plan.
You have called  me to have faith choosing  my best even when being a waitress  doesn't  add up. You do the impossible  and  my heart needs to remember! God there are so many like me! Pull us back  into you!

Verse 19 They will fight  against  you but they shall not prevail  against  you for I am  with you declare the Lord to deliver  you

Is It Friday Yet?

 Is it Friday yet? How many of us have said this line when it's only Monday? I have! Although, a recent thought that is just now clicking is that Friday is no different than any other day of the week. We have some how programmed our brains that it is. We can get so caught up that we forget to appreciate what was given to us for the day!

That has been something that's been pressing on my mind because I have been forgetting to see my blessings how the Lord has been faithful in what may seem like the crazy to me.He has reminded me today that though I'm not using my  Human Service degree or nor do I know the direction I am using it in a sense. . I choose this because I love to help people. I am doing that but maybe not in the way I imagined I would.

I'm getting to be an ear to a customer or maybe a smile. And when I slow down to intake that I am able to see clear that nothing is really in vain even though I'm not sure where or what God is doing. All, I know is He is faithful to me even when I'm not struggling to understand what is going on. He is the one holding me even when my mind is going 50 miles per an hour trying to figure out what is next or am trying to be the problem solver. So, today I just stop to breath in the blessings of:

• A Jones Soda
• Peach Cobbler
• A friend giving me a ride
• That I have air in my lungs

What is it that you need to stop and see?  We all need to be reminded there is joy among the unknown and our circumstances. Maybe you need to slow down to do the same!