Grace In Kindness

Two cups of coffee  no shame. Bursting out to some Rend Collective as I reflect on the words ,"Grace in kindness".  Wow! what powerful  words to chew especially  on Thanksgiving!  It is so easy to get caught up in the details of what is and what's not but if you stop were pretty blessed because He gives so much. Check out Ephesians  2:7 and then read Psalm 103. This one was important  to think about because  I started looking at my goals and my student loan. I was quick to check into the impossible  and forget the possible. Then I had to  pause  to remember  who always cares for me. Who loves me most? God! He is my defender! He has put a roof over my head even though  I don't  have my own apartment  yet. He has give me a job as a teacher which I would not of imagined. He has give me my beautiful  church Immanuel!  He has given me clean water, clothes and a heart beat! Praise to God! Thank Him for the simple today!

Delight

The Lord never over looks the desires of our hearts. As I reflect on my list I can see where the Lord has honored one of them. One of my dreams is to be a mother one day. Although I have no biological children I have many.  They are my precious children that I teach everyday at my preschool.  Each of them teach me something every day.

I count that a joy.  Yes, I am their teacher but  the task is much more then teaching them. It's an element of love. This love sometimes means:

* Rocking a child to sleep when sometimes you just want to rest

*  Offering them your last chicken nugget even though you may have wanted it

* Crying with them because you know that their feelings are so real

* Wiping their noses

* Laughing with them

* Allowing them to be the great story teller

 These needs are so basic but  these little things are so  important. I gladly do them because this is what I would want even for my own child. I'm thankful God would entrust me with the task.  I count it a great joy!  Therefore I ask you, How has God honored your desires?

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart

Space of Freedom

 I am only 26 years old but if I gained any wisdom from the past couple of years it is much better to wish less because you will miss out on today's blessings!  There is nothing wrong remembering but we are also called to live present! This has been on my brain a lot because I know I will miss going on a trip this summer; however I have actually received a sweeter blessing of  being home! This summer is the first summer in a while that I have stayed home!

I am actually ok with that! Don't get me wrong if someone offered me a ticket today to go to NYC or maybe another state I would be on it but home is just as good! Though the past few months of adjustment have been hard there have been countless blessings! I am very excited for the things happening in my home church this summer such as VBS, teaching sweet kindergartners on Wed,summer nights with friends  and the new door God opened up for me at 17th Christian Street! I know that being present has really seem to be the focus of my blog in a lot of ways but its very true that when we wish we miss out on today's gifts!

For the first time being home I am at more peace then what I was when I wrestled why I was home. I am at more peace in taking one step at a time even though there are many things I anticipate or  hope to accomplish. I am in a space of freedom!

This space of freedom is lovely because when I stop I see how good God has really been to me!  Also for the first time time something my Pastor told me while I was in New York is starting to make perfect sense.

" One day at a time  obedience is how to arrive at your God ordained destination"

I can see how that one really plays out because  just walking through the door of the Dixie waiting for Him to lead me on has been so evident! This statement really does set your heart free when you think about it because if your any thing like me you become the planner. You start mapping out how you will get from point A to B but really  it's nothing like you planned!  Trust me I still have to pause my heart and note to myself just let God lead and if it is meant to be it will.

With all this in mind it even puts me at peace about my application online for Southern Seminary where I would love take online classes studying children's ministry. Normally I would be frantic about getting  papers in or how will I afford but I am ok with whatever happens because I know God knows what He is doing.

The same with my car situation! I know I anticipate a car but you know  its going to be ok because God is in charge. These things don't  erase my emotions; yet knowing all this allows me to walk with the Prince of Peace being able to breath! I am constantly learning to loosen the grip of my pencil and let God  write my story instead of trying to be the narrator. It's still a work but He is patient! For that I am glad and I challenge you the be walk in this space of freedom!

Beginning To See Answers

 To wait upon the Lord  can be one of the sweetest gifts!   For about five months or less I had been working at the Dixie Café which ended up being a blessing. My idea of course was not to be a waitress but the Lord knew what He was doing. Over the last couple of months I began praying God what is your vision for me and where do you desire to take me. Little did I know He would be preparing me for the preschool at 17th Christian Street!

There is no doubt God's finger prints have been on it all the way because I remember picking up one of their brochures at the Dixie thinking about calling to see if they had any openings because I knew I loved to work with children. Latter down the road which was only last week  I was let go from my job but my boss the Garr's mentioned this place to me. They also encouraged me telling me how good I was with children.

So, I began to pray and I decided to pick up the phone after my walk I had took that week where I saw their sign as well. Before I knew it that very week I was let go I had an interview and now I am in training as a teachers aid. Who would of thought that?

Only the Lord! I am actually very excited because to me this is a reminder God is watching me because I could remember some of the frustrations when I came home beginning to look for a job. So,  for me it's also a reminder that being faithful to the small things is worth it!  Being home has ended up being a blessing!

I couldn't understand why my time was up in New York but there have been things along the way that have affirmed me why I am home. Things like like teaching Kindergarten on Wednesdays,preparing for VBS,my job and many other things I could list! You know I look around and I realized I  am very blessed! I may not be going on another mission trip outside my home this summer but I am on mission in my hometown Corbin, Kentucky.

I see God also confirming what was on my heart my freshmen year at UC which I pushed away thinking I wouldn't go into education but now I'm in training and I will soon get to be in the classroom with sweet young faces!

I really could go on! But it really is true when God tells us in Psalm 37:4 to " Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you His desires" This doesn't mean I will get my way but when I am in Him my heart will be delighted! There are still other things I am praying over like a car along with children's ministry which is another part of my heart I haven't shared much.

I am also learning to just dive deep with my church family who have surrounded me with great support! I don't share this to boast! I share because we all  need reminders of who God says He is!

It's Ok To Ask

 As  a child growing up I remembering giving my heart to Jesus! It was so easy to trust Him with innocence but  as I became older the challenge of trust became harder. I don't doubt He loves me but there are some things I simply don't understand. Can you relate? I think many of us are afraid to say those words. I think we forget there is freedom and that nothing really shocks Him.

That is why there are  two articles I want to recommend for those us who need a little reminder its ok to not understand:

• It's Ok To Talk About The Parts Of Jesus We Don't Understand  Click Here
• How To Trust Jesus In A Unsafe World  Click Here

 I feel both of these articles hits home to what many of us are afraid to admit. For me the things I don't understand right now are:

•  Why Jesus placed me as a waitress?
•  Why people I love are going   through the circumstances with their health or situations that they are?
•  Why are the directions so unclear for what is next?
• Why a friend of mine has CML? Will there be healing? Will their family get  a break?
• Why does having a car seem so long?
• Why don't I feel 26? When will I feel like an adult?

I'm sure my list could go on but I'm sure we all have a list. In this world I think we forget how to have child like faith because this world is a tough place to live in. I'm not saying everything is bad because there is good! It's just sometimes you can begin to wonder why God allows certain events or bad things to happen.

I still believe it is for His glory but it doesn't erase the pain or emotions. I know my circumstances are minor but it doesn't mean I don't grow tired. Even the strong Christians have moments where they feel it takes extra strength to keep their eyes on the prize or extra strength to choose joy knowing God  has a good plan! I'm not trying to sound like the gripe queen but like I told a friend on the phone I just can't fake how I feel.

I know deep down inside Jesus can handle that! Some might say how can feel such things but  like I said the world is hard at times. No, I don' have all my answers to what God is doing but I press on. . Perhaps your like me and you just need to question. It doesn't make your faith any less. I think God allows us to question so that we can remember to keep looking forward.

I think He longs to have these talks with us even if its just the two of you on a walk expressing every emotion. At least that was my reminder today. He is definitely there when no one is and He will gladly walk with you and listen to your heart even if its just letting you walk it out.  It's ok for things to not feel pretty!  Here is a song I leave this song for us all because I think we need that reminder God still is in the mist!

Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7

Out of My Weakness

Out of my weakness  you have  a plan. It really  isn't  my plan but like Jeremiah you promise to  not let anything  prevail  against  Him. In no way would I had any plans to be a waitress  but you did! Jermiahs  weakness was speaking. My weakness is:anxiety, the impatient  detective  and perfectionism. I see the mountain but you see more.
You had more than intellectual knowledge of Jeremiah. You had a personal  relationship  with him. It is the same with me! The plans you have for me were decided  beforehand and though  I do not see you tell me there is a plan.
You have called  me to have faith choosing  my best even when being a waitress  doesn't  add up. You do the impossible  and  my heart needs to remember! God there are so many like me! Pull us back  into you!

Verse 19 They will fight  against  you but they shall not prevail  against  you for I am  with you declare the Lord to deliver  you

Is It Friday Yet?

 Is it Friday yet? How many of us have said this line when it's only Monday? I have! Although, a recent thought that is just now clicking is that Friday is no different than any other day of the week. We have some how programmed our brains that it is. We can get so caught up that we forget to appreciate what was given to us for the day!

That has been something that's been pressing on my mind because I have been forgetting to see my blessings how the Lord has been faithful in what may seem like the crazy to me.He has reminded me today that though I'm not using my  Human Service degree or nor do I know the direction I am using it in a sense. . I choose this because I love to help people. I am doing that but maybe not in the way I imagined I would.

I'm getting to be an ear to a customer or maybe a smile. And when I slow down to intake that I am able to see clear that nothing is really in vain even though I'm not sure where or what God is doing. All, I know is He is faithful to me even when I'm not struggling to understand what is going on. He is the one holding me even when my mind is going 50 miles per an hour trying to figure out what is next or am trying to be the problem solver. So, today I just stop to breath in the blessings of:

• A Jones Soda
• Peach Cobbler
• A friend giving me a ride
• That I have air in my lungs

What is it that you need to stop and see?  We all need to be reminded there is joy among the unknown and our circumstances. Maybe you need to slow down to do the same!

You Got To Let Me Love You

Do you ever have those 2Am  mornings  and you feel so restless?  You toss and turn just begging  the Lord to let you sleep but sometimes  those mornings  are so rewarding. As I laid awake restless the Lord brought me to a song by Misty Edwards called,"You Got To Let Me Love You". Talk about conviction !
I would  have never picture myself as Peter  where  he struggles to let Jesus  wash his feet but I listen to the song and thought  about the passage (John 13)
I realized  how much I was Peter.
Peter's pride really  creeped out vs 8 where he simply  tells Jesus he will never wash his feet.  He had a hard time receiving and Jesus had to remind him vs 8 that it was the only way he could  have part with Him.
He has to be willing  to receive love. How many of us can connect? People may argue it takes humility to serve and it does but it also takes humility to be served. It can especially  feel this way when you have to seek help .
It really takes letting go of pride when you have things to accomplish  but you need   a friend  to help you do it. Letting  go of an independent  spirit  is hard but it can be seen as a gift reminding you  need community. So with this I end with the song:

Oh But Wait

 A wise friend once told me to write my plans in pencil so that I could erase them. Boy was my friend ever so right!  The pages in my book look nothing like I would of planned. When it was towards the end of summer I thought the Lord may keep longer in New York but gradually He showed me this was not His will. This has been puzzling for me because I have been sitting here with an open heart since high school knowing my desire for missions.
I have been home for  7 months at least and the transitions have shown many many emotions. I have dreamed so much but am really learning that I need to loosen the grip on my pencil.  Especially when it feels so unclear waiting tables. Please don't take me for  belittling but if I were very honest I'm only there because that is where God put me.
He is teaching me to trust Him in the small things.  He is teaching me that though it seems so unclear to keep my head up in the fog. Do not let the pressure of next steps hold you down or the expectations of others.
Gulp! Easier said than done! I don't know your circumstances but perhaps your like me thinking where are we going. I want to see I want to see just like the child in the crowd who begs their father or mother to put them on their shoulders. It is hard trust me because I have asked questions trust me like:

Do you want me to go back to school?

Did I choose the right major?

Is Seminary a path?

And I know its not like star dust will just sweep across your eyes but  its very hard when your having to wait. You would even like to explain the emotions to other people but you can't. You know God is near but sometimes you grow tired of the wait. So in moments like that sometimes you need to just say Jesus I am tired!

Hi My Name is ( )

If we were  honest  as humans we have perfected wearing the mask. Some of us might feel as if it were a crime if our friends  knew our thoughts because  maybe we fear their friendship truly being there. I certainly  can identify! The past few months  my heart has been on the treadmill non stop trying to figure where do I connect  and do I connect. Will others judge me if they knew the messed up thoughts I had. So, I would like to say hi my name is April and I struggle  with anxiety but that doesn't  define me!
To even admit that for me takes courage. When I came home I thought  about all the ways I may get plugged  in but recently  God has been investigating my heart for some cleaning and healing. In fact when I looked back at my prayer  journals they all dealt with worry.
I am sure that seems puzzling  to some  that a girl who left familiar things to go to New York may have thus struggle  but the reality  is were broken. The funny part is I could write about it more then tell some of you face to face. However ,the Lord is rekindling  my spirit that it was  never about  me being perfect.
I also share this because  I want others to know like me there  is freedom in being broken. We just have to let our pride down to admit were powerless. Believe me I am working  on mine. I am also learning to own Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious for nothing but in everything with thanksgiving by prayer and supplication  make your request  known to God. And may the peace  of God  that surpasses all understanding guard your minds and  hearts in Christ Jesus. I am still learning  to own it but as a friend challenged me I challenge  you. We are not finished!  There is hope!

What Do You Need To Be Present To?

 Sometimes I wonder if we truly enjoy life for what it is.  Especially when I think of a child because everything is so new and exciting to them. If you take a  baby for example handing them a pair of keys. They may not identify them as keys but they are just excited because its shiny or it makes noises. Some how I think we grow up forgetting the simple joys. To (BREATH) as one would put it! That was my reminder yesterday because  sometimes I tend to think of all the projects that need accomplished or maybe even getting futuristic of where I need to be in life.
Can you relate? However, God used yesterday to remind me there are times we just need to sit back to enjoy life! It could be as simple as going out to build a snowman, painting nails and making chocolate strawberries! Now, men give me a break! I know you don't go do all this haha! The point in all this is we were meant to enjoy life!
I think at times we get so busy that it is foreign to us to just enjoy life! This of course can be  a tough balance because we don't want to just throw the task that need to be done out the window but if we don't take time to enjoy life we miss the little blessings! We only have one life which means all things will fade.

Psalm 37:2

For like grass, they soon fade away. Like spring flowers, they soon wither.

We will always wish for a moment back to be at a certain place or meet with a person just for that cup of coffee. The choice is are we going to be present! So, my question to you is: What do you need to be present to?

How Well Do You Know Your Home?

 For the past couple of months and now soon to be five since  coming home from New York God has open my eyes. To be honest with you I wouldn't have placed myself as a waitress but its actually been a good thing!  When I looked at downtown Corbin I was focused on the size. However, there is much more in downtown Corbin! There are big hearts! I work with a sweet christian family who truly care about people. Its funny how God uses a local place to catch your attention!
I don't know where God is taken me however, I know I have seen community in a different perspective. I have never seen this family turn any one away! The Dixie holds a deeper for meaning for some because they have been around it from the time it begun. For more information you can follow this article by clicking this link:  Dixie Cafe
I really encourage you to take a read especially if your a local. I know for me it was good because sometimes like many its easy to see Corbin as a bubble. I have lived in Corbin since 5th grade but knowing my  town is a whole other ball game. I hate to admit it but I prob know more about other communities then mine. I am challenged to study Corbin more!
Today really reminded me of that as I explored a little bit while waiting for transportation. Even just stopping in the coffee shop to paint at You & Me or when I had lunch at Hardees. I may not know the path yet God is yet to take me but I have a choice to be present! At the same time I really want to go back to the Dixie asking you all to pray for this restaurant! I've not been to too many places that I can count that will offer whatever they have. This family really honors their community.  They have feed locals who may not have much or  feed biscuits to our city workers who work really hard to keep the roads clear when it snows! These local places not just small businesses! Maybe your like me and you need God to show you fresh eyes.
I love the people I know here but I must be real its hard to not want to turn the page to what God will do next! However, as best I know how I want to make the most! I am convicted on how easy it is to travel knowing the community that is not our own verses the one that is. What about you? Do you know your home?

Jobs Not High On Demand 2 Cor.12-22-26

 This week I have been thinking about  the jobs no one wants to do. Here are a few:

* Being a waitress
* Being a janitor
*Waste Management or  other words known as garbageman
*Change dirty diapers
*Fast Food Employee
*Walmart Greeter
* Retail

I'm sure the list could go on but lets be honest these jobs are not always high on demand. Yet, where would we be without these roles. These jobs don't have glamor written on them but they are important.  It really takes a servants heart to be in these positions if you ask me! As a waitress for only a month I'll be honest there are times I'm a little grossed out handling peoples dirty dishes especially when it comes to straws that have been in their mouths.

However, it has really challenged me about my servants heart! I would of never imagined myself waiting tables. This really isn't my dream job but its my role God gave me for now! Although, the interesting thought I had as I was writing this is for the past few weeks I have been saying this isn't my passion or near any thing that excites me. However, I think maybe my heart needs to flip this attitude around.

It may not be the passion the drives me in my gifts but its a chance to show passion in a different way by loving on people. This also  drives me to a passage I read with my small group a last week 2 Cor.12.

vs 22-26

23and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

 I think this passage is very fitting because when you look back at the list above I think at times we do see these jobs as low jobs in our world. However,without these roles such as your garbageman who picks up trash where do you think we would be. Or the waitress who serves your food while making sure you have a clean place to sit so your dining experience may be good.  The faithful parents or care takes who change those mean diapers!  This list could go on but  my point is maybe some of us need to remember whatever task God handed us its because He trust we would do it well!
It  may not be our plan but we have a choice to remember the parts we have are important!

Remember Whose You Are

  " Remember whose you are".... This was how I remember every service ending in college when I visited Main Street Baptist. I look back on it with gratitude that  Pastor spoke this every Sunday. I can't remember what his name is off hand but those words have stayed with me. They especially came to mind as I read Romans 8:16 and Philemon today.

Romans 8:16 tells us:
 The  Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are a child of God

I love the ARE part because its not you maybe are but it is  yes you are a child of God! I think that's fitting for the story even told in Philemon.  The message of Philemon  especially verse 8-16 is about freedom. Onesimus was a slave who had stolen some possessions from his master. Not only that but he ran away. However, his story didn't end there because God let him cross paths with Paul. Because their paths crossed Onesimus  became a Christian. Onesimus story allows us to know that we can change from our past!

We can have new beginnings! At the same time we have the perspective of Paul. Will we look on others with love? I honestly don't know any Christian who has this down perfect but  maybe were like the slave who needed to know He had a second chance or were like Paul who needs to look at people with love!

The reality were going to have days  where its tough to love or its hard to remember who we are but when we live those two out our lives become flipped upside down in ways we can't imagine. Or maybe your like me. You have to remind your perfectionist self your going to have days or moments your sliding. Just remember its your choice to choose to claim the promise of who you are!

 Therefore I end with Philemon 1:16

 No LONGER as a slave but MORE than a slave- as a dearly loved brother. He is especially to me, but even MORE in the flesh and  IN THE LORD

* Is your motive love?
* Are you living in the Who YOU ARE and not the I am not?

Turn Your Whys Into Thank You

 There are times we don't know what God is doing or understand where this is going. This has been me in the past few months. I haven't understood yet why God has placed me as a waitress but one big blessing is I'm not jobless!  This is what I have had to fix my mind on as I work at the Dixie Cafe! I am learning to  turning my prayers to " Thank You" instead of the " Whys" I am sure many of you can identify. Its easy to question God! I don't know a human who hasn't. I'm not saying there are not days I don't but it is a character trait God is building in me.

Last week I started studying the book of Daniel. Daniel 3 has really been pushing me through this. Especially verses:

vs27 And the satraps, the prefects, the governors and  the kings counselors gathered together and saw that the fire had not had any power over the bodies of men. The hair  of their heads was not singed, their cloaks were not harmed and no smell of the fire upon them harmed

 This very verse then brought up Isaiah 43:2 for me: When you pass through waters, I will be with you and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you

 Although my struggles are minor it was still a good reminder that nothing I face in life will consume me. Daniel never questioned God in this chapter as He faced the fire. He faced it with faith! I'm sure his heart raced but He stood His ground! That's the kind of faith I want to have! I want have my praises going up even when deep down I want to know why.

 So, though I do not know what the Lord is doing I thank Him for:

• A Christian boss
• A coffee shop to walk to if I ever have to wait for transportation
•  Warm water
• Shelter
• Food
• $21 tip today

 I also leave us on this note: 

Hebrews 11:6 And without faith its impossible to please Him for whoever draws near to God must believe that He exist and that He rewards to those who seek Him

Faith is to trust that the invisible is already reality and will be made visible in God's time- (Lonnie Riley)

May this be our reminder when we want to ask why!

Be Content With What Is

" Be content with what is" was the phrase to receive a free cookie today at Dixie Cafe. Talk about the Lord and His many ways of speaking! To be honest with you I had been fighting God over His plans. I have been so focused on my idea instead of His. To also choose joy no matter where He places me. Especially after applying to many places and this is the one God chooses for me. Its hard to accept especially because  I don't feel it relates to my passion and I am a college graduate.

 On top of that I have been puzzled with God you have given me a heart for missions and  yet this is what you choose? I can't really tell you what the Lord is doing! He has thrown me through a loop. However, I know all things we go through produces character.  This may not be my idea but I can choose to make it my mission ground by being a smile to the customers. To choose hope knowing that its just a season in my life.

That all of the waiting is preparation for His perfect timing. There have been so many recent thoughts of where I thought I could see myself from New York, BCM ministry or even going for my Masters in counseling. I don't know where God is going to take me in this season but I do know when we choose to be content that were more at peace. I am very much learning to release my dreams to God! Therefore, what is that you need to be content in?

We Are Not As Poor As We Think

Today  the passage of the woman with two pennies was on my mind. I began my job at Dixie Cafe on Tuesday. I have been recently praying Lord how can I give even when I feel I have little to offer. Its challenging in many ways. One I started catching myself thinking I won't have much income working as a waitress. Its going to take me a long time to save for a car. How can I feel  productive in my community with no car?
I have had  to shut my mouth saying to the Lord whatever it is I will give or do. This includes my finances with tithing. I would like to focus more there as I write this blog. I have never tithed before. I didn't start till the last term of November. I knew that it was important but not living it. However, I have made it my hearts cry to give whatever I can give to give!  I can't let what little I have stop me! If I don't give now how will it be different if I have more?
So, I have taken the challenge to give  whatever I can! I also felt a little frustrated in how do I apply what I did in NYC to my hometown. Where it was simple to go meet up with people which is what I love to do! However, I think I often complicate it! Even though the Dixie Cafe isn't my dream job I can  be a light there!
I don't know your story but I know life is too short to focus on what you don't have. It can set you back into humility.  I even think of a woman I knew in NYC who was struggling financially. She really didn't have much but her way of loving on me was giving a coupon for a frosty. We can all give even if it doesn't look extravagant!

Are you giving with what you have?

Luke 21:1-4The Message (MSG)

 Just then he looked up and saw the rich people dropping offerings in the collection plate. Then he saw a poor widow put in two pennies. He said, “The plain truth is that this widow has given by far the largest offering today. All these others made offerings that they’ll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford—she gave her all!”

No Man Is An Island

 Today I had the song, " No Man Is An Island", on my mind! As I've shared in previous blogs that transitioning back to my home has been hard. I know the people along with the places well. However, I do truly miss my NYC family. The journey at home has been interesting. I started a job at Dixie Cafe.  I never imagined myself being a waitress. However, I have told God whatever He gives me I will make the most of it!
This is my first secular job besides the one summer at Hardees. The only jobs I have ever known is NAMB and camp. I'm really learning to let go and let God! The second challenge is just having to depend on others as I transition back. However, today as I ended my shift I was blessed to see two people from my church. I honestly just wanted to hold my face praying I could just get out to have my God cry moment alone.
I  didn't want others to think she must not like her job or does she even want to be here. The heart of the matter is I have been learning so much in letting God  have His will in my life.   So, being able to see those two from my church was a reminder God was there!
It truly is easy when were in these moments having to really press into God for His plans to not want to tuck and hide away. However, we were built for community and we need to embrace it! Are you embracing your community?

Recover My Eye Sight

 It was just three months ago I left my internship in New York where I served with a church plant called Cornerstone.I have had to train my mind to come to reality to the present that I am home in Corbin. New York is nothing like Kentucky by any imagination. I can't just walk out of my apartment to walk some where as where in New York it wasn't foreign to walk places. That has been really hard on me. Its taken back some of my independence.  This one is hard to swallow as a twenty-five year old.
I'm not ungrateful to be around familiar places or people but I sure do miss my New York family. However, as I was reading Mark 10:46-52 the Lord has reminded me that  even though I am not physically blind that  I need to  come with the same faith as Bartimaeus who said to Jesus recover his eye sight. That is what I want Jesus to do for me.
I want to see Corbin with fresh eyes. For I know my ideas but lately I have been in a position where I have had to say Father I don't know what your trying to do. I can't balance all the quadrants around me.
Even hearing myself say that is hard because I am a planner. I like to have my ducks in order. I'm slowly learning to let go realizing I can't plan every step. I have to learn to just live. To also be ok to make a mess because as humans were going to fail. I have to let go of my perfectionism and remind myself the Lord is working on me which is why Philppians 3:12 has become one of my favorite verses:

 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect but I press on to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me His own

So what is it that you need the Father to recover your eye sight to?

Long To Think Simple

 I long to think simple but I do not always think simple.
There are voices that boomerang from left to right
I sit sometimes begging my mind lets just sit for a while
And all I can say is Jesus I need you
I say I want to walk with wisdom but sometimes my perfection
wavers a cloud over me over the What ifs?
Oh the games you play my little mind
It is like learning to walk for the first time as a baby
You know you want to take the first step but what will the world be like
as you gaze with your sweet brown eyes
Oh you know me well  Lord
You knew my first steps as a child wouldn't be easy and
even as an adult wouldn't be easy
 For me I think I still go in shock but Oh Lord you do not
Teach me to walk for what I think I grasp I do not fully because you know more than I

Where Are You Jesus?

 If our human hearts were honest we would say we have all dared to ask this question, " Where are You Jesus?" at some point. It is not that we have forgot He is there but maybe we forget  who He is. In a passage I read today found in Mark 8:14-21, we find the disciples having a little doubt. Specifically in verses 18;-21:

 Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up? They said to Him,"Twelve." And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you  take up? And they said to Him, "Seven." And He said to them, " Do you not yet understand?"

 This passage really pin pointed some doubts in my heart. I had seen God provide very much when I was in New York but now that I am home looking for a job I feel my heart is very much in the ocean learning to trust God hasn't forgot! He is faithful! I think this is key because sometimes like the disciples we look at the impossible instead of concentrating on the possible.We need to look back at where God has been.

For me that is looking back at New York. To remember the housing He provided along with a second family where I was far away from home. Or to look back in the small ways God has been with me this week:

• I found a check I had forgotten about when cleaning my room
•  A friend has offered to pay me to help with some cleaning
•  I was able to go to a interview this week because my friend was willing to help with transportation
• I was able to to put in an application
•  An opportunity to possibly serve on a retreat

I know my heart is still longing for answers to a job along with what God is doing but I have to remember to look back at where God has been. We need to put on our possible mindsets and not impossible.

Luke 1:37  For nothing will be impossible with God